"Say it. OUT LOUD."
"Stretch break!"
I noticed that I have a lot of tricks that I use on myself to force out a run if I'm just not feeling it. One is to bargain with myself to run just one mile, see how I feel, and walk the rest of the way if I have to. I don't think I've ever stopped for that walk because once I get to the halfway point, I find it's easier to just keep going with the run. Bonus points if another runner is close by...I don't want to stop for a walk and have him think I'm a pansy.
"I didn't get this body from taking walk breaks."
When I feel like I'm going to die, I pick an object in the distance and think "I'll just run to that stop sign, then take a walk break." By the time I get to the stop sign, I think "I'm at the top of a hill now, I'll just run until I reach the bottom." By the time I get to the bottom of the hill, I think "I'll run for another minute and see how I feel." And so on and so on. Usually this bag of tricks gets me through almost the entire run.
"If you run another half mile, I'll carry you the rest of the way."
It's also helpful to my dorky self to use the Runkeeper app on my iPhone and check it every so often to see how far I've gone for inspiration. I'm all about charting and graphing my results so I like to figure out how far I've run. Sometimes I surprise myself by running much farther than I had estimated.
"Let me go! If I can make it .25 miles in 3 minutes, I'll beat my PR!"
I've been running around town for months now and I noticed that too many people don't follow the rules, and I'd be remiss to not correct all of you. I don't want your potential injuries on my conscience.
Runners - stay to the left of the road (facing traffic). This is so you can see crazy drivers coming at you, as opposed to sneaking up out of nowhere from behind if you were to run on the right side of the road. No one wants to get hit by a car.
"To the left, to the left!"
Bikers - stay to the right of the road (riding with traffic). Isn't this like Driver's Ed 101?
"This bike rides with traffic."
Pedestrians - Not necessary to take up the entirety of a road/walkway with your group. Feel free to leave about 6 inches or so for other people to squeeze by and pass you. This is especially pertinent when you hear someone's footsteps approaching from behind in what sounds like a run. So sorry to interrupt your leisurely stroll, but I'm trying to get this run finished, and if I stop at a point that has not been preplanned, it is very possible that I won't be able to start back up because my legs already feel like they weigh 80 pounds apiece, I'm relying on sheer momentum to keep them moving forward, and I don't need some ignorant group of looky-loos busting up my groove. You should be able to surmise this because I do not run by gliding through the air like a graceful gazelle, but rather like a wheezing, huffing, puffing tugboat that's quickly running out of fuel. Sometimes it takes all of the effort I have to choke out a bitchy "TO YOUR LEFT!" So please, be kind and get the eff out of the way.
"Let's go single file so out-of-shape kinda sorta runners can easily pass us."
Drivers- we've got several issues that we need to discuss. First and foremost, your turn signals are not fun blinky Christmas light decorations for your car. You use them to indicate that you are turning so pedestrians and other cars who cannot read your mind know where you're going.
"I can read your mind, but you can't read mine. Better use the turn signal."
Additionally, those white stripes in the road are called "pedestrian walkways" and are the equivalent of a red light in terms of requiring a full stop if there is a pedestrian trying to cross. This may delay you from reaching your super important place that you need to be by about 3 seconds, but I assure you, I'm crossing as fast as I can, and oh yeah, I have the right of way, jerk. I like my life, please don't run me over.
"Stopping for pedestrians is the law!"
Finally, did you know that concrete sidewalks are something like 20% harder on your joints than asphalt roads? Plus there are generally fewer cracks and holes to trip over in the road than on the sidewalk. Therefore, knee injuries and busting your ass from tripping are two problems that can theoretically be avoided by running on the road instead of the sidewalk. Now that you understand why I'm running on the road, would you mind moving over just 4 inches, just enough so you don't get so flipping close that you practically swipe me with your mirror? In return, I promise to hug the curb as close as is humanly possible and/or jump on the sidewalk if I see that you have nowhere to go due to oncoming traffic.
"Eyes on the road, Eddie. Watch for pedestrians."
Let's just share the road. It belongs to neither you nor me, but everyone. Thanks sweeties.
No comments:
Post a Comment