Creepers Need Not Apply

First things first. Tonight I ran 2.79 miles, which meant I achieved my goal of running 31 miles for the month of August! GO ME. I am really something. 

"Kinda Sorta Vegan Runner, you rock!"

Next goal is to be able to run a true 5K without stopping and without counting my 0.2-mile warmup and 0.2-mile cool-down in that mileage. I'm trying to figure out what my mileage goal should be for September.  This is going to require a calculator. Didn't you know that girls can't do math (or homework, apparently)?

"How do I do the arithmetic again?"

So after referring to my runner's book and checking around the 'net, I see that it is best to follow The 10-Percent Rule and increase my weekly mileage by 10%. Right now I'm running about 8.4 miles a week. 10% of 8.4 = 0.84. Add 0.84 to 8.4 and you get 9.24. That means for the first week of September, I should aim to have my 3x/week runs be about 3.1 miles apiece. I'm going to be conservative in the amount of mileage that I add for the remainder of the month and aim for 40 miles for the month of September. No wait. Let's make that 39. Don't want to overexert myself. 

"You sure about that?"

Thanks for walking me through the process. Perfect! Not only do I have a super new mileage goal, but by the end of the month I should definitely achieve my main goal of running a full 5K without stopping. Two, two, two goals in one. Maybe I will refer to September's goals as the Dynamic Duo?

"Or perhaps, The Gruesome Twosome?"

Also, a housekeeping note. I follow a few blogs and really admire the courage that the writers have in posting personal photos, full names, hometowns, and info about jobs. It is great to put yourself out there to make your story more personal/relatable/interesting. However, I am highly paranoid and cannot escape the fact that a colleague/ex-boyfriend/person I generally dislike/totally insane creeper will come across my blog. I don't want colleagues knowing about my personal thoughts/ex-boyfriends to know what I'm up to/creepers to stalk me down and wear me like last season's Versace. 

"Creepers, please stay away."

I assure you that I am a completely normal-looking, average weight/height, normal job, etc. I don't have 7 heads or green skin and I don't need a crane to get me out of bed. Perhaps some day when I have a zillion followers who demand to know my true identity, I will reveal myself like Ironman. But until then, you'll just have to enjoy my illustrations via my favorite TV shows and movies. Thanks for your patience in this matter. 

"This is considered 'normal,' right?"

Off Night

Tonight should have been a good run. Because of weather hazards, I haven't run since last Wednesday, and if I was going to meet my August goal of 30+ miles, I had to run tonight and tomorrow. Because I need goals to force myself to run and I love accomplishing stuff, I was super pumped to get this run in - want to earn my Lulu shirt. Additionally, my music list randomly played 5 Britney songs during my run and it was a perfect 78 degrees with almost no humidity when I left for my run. All of these factors should have equaled an awesome run, but it was just one of the worst ones I've had in quite awhile. 

"Let's go for a run, y'all!"

I totally deserved it. My sister asked me to babysit for my niece today and I took that opportunity to obey her instructions to help myself to anything in the cabinets and refrigerator. Why is it always so much easier to binge eat when raiding someone else's food? I guess this is because other people buy stuff that I would never trust myself to possess. Case in point: My sister had an unopened bag of Trader Joe's corn chips (aka Fritos) and I housed approximately 1/3 of them. Additionally, she had a block of organic cheese that looked way too delicious to go untouched. (Before you judge this kinda sorta vegan, just know that the vegan gods punished me later during my run.) Finally, I didn't consume even half of the amount of water that I normally would. 

"This counts as a pre-run carbo-load, right y'all?"

By the time I got home and prepped for my run, I figured I didn't need much stretching since I had been in a pretty intense yoga class the night before. "Big mistake. Huge." (- Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman) Got less than halfway through my run and my leg muscles felt so tight I thought they were going to snap. 

"Why didn't you stretch, y'all? Oh, snap!"

Then my ponytail started to come loose, which makes me insane. I normally wrap it tighter than my Christmas presents because I absolutely cannot run with my hair down. I'm not Kim Karsashian, I don't try to look pretty when I exercise - I run because I'm trying to get fit, not because I'm trying to get the paparazzi to take my picture in spandex. Anyway, I had to stop to fix my hair, which totally destroyed my groove and put me in a bad mood.

B. Spears displaying appropriate workout hair. Who cares what you look like? 

You're working out!

Then I stopped to take my one-minute stretch break and realized it had turned into two minutes and that I had neglected to properly stop my C25K app timer, so it was still running and I now had 2 extra minutes of running to make up. I can't be bothered to keep track of timers on my own like some kind of commoner, I need an app to ding in my ear and tell me when my run is finished. Again, you might say ain't no big thang, but it was just another inconvenience that put me in a bad mood. 

"Worst run EVER, y'all!"

At least as I ran past two pedestrians on the side of the road, they saw me coming and moved over to get out of my way. Thank you, lovely pedestrians, for being considerate. See, you never know when your small acts of kindness will make a bit of a difference to a stranger. 

"And we're supposed to marry strangers, right y'all?"

Rock Who Like a Hurricane?

Freaking Irene. What a mess, what a tragedy, what a disaster. In my part of the country, it turned out to not be super problematic...just a little scary and I lost power for a day.  The most damage I saw was when I walked home from yoga and noticed a big tree that had fallen directly onto a neighbor's Jeep. That sucks Mr. Jeep. Talk about bad luck. 


In other parts of the country, people lost much more than cars. Homes, businesses, even lives were lost. This makes me so depressed. My Facebook feed was loaded with complaints about power being out, vacations being delayed, and having to take longer routes to work. I admit I was temporarily annoyed when I missed the VMA's (really wanted to see the tribute to Britney - which turned out to be pretty crappy anyway) until I realized what might have been. Seriously, sometimes I like to step back and put things into perspective. Couldn't things have been much, much worse? Believe me, no one complains more than me, but I can't even bitch about petty things when other people are actually suffering true loss.  


Sorry to anyone reading this who suffered more than a minor inconvenience due to Hurricane Irene. 

Rules of the Road

Tied last night's PR of 2.82 miles tonight. I repeated Week 7, Day 3 (25 minutes of running) because I did not think I could handle Week 8, Day 1 (28 minutes of running) tonight. I did the "stop halfway through, stretch for a minute" deal again. It really works. 

"Say it. OUT LOUD."

"Stretch break!"

I noticed that I have a lot of tricks that I use on myself to force out a run if I'm just not feeling it. One is to bargain with myself to run just one mile, see how I feel, and walk the rest of the way if I have to. I don't think I've ever stopped for that walk because once I get to the halfway point, I find it's easier to just keep going with the run. Bonus points if another runner is close by...I don't want to stop for a walk and have him think I'm a pansy. 

"I didn't get this body from taking walk breaks."

When I feel like I'm going to die, I pick an object in the distance and think "I'll just run to that stop sign, then take a walk break." By the time I get to the stop sign, I think "I'm at the top of a hill now, I'll just run until I reach the bottom." By the time I get to the bottom of the hill, I think "I'll run for another minute and see how I feel." And so on and so on. Usually this bag of tricks gets me through almost the entire run. 

"If you run another half mile, I'll carry you the rest of the way."

It's also helpful to my dorky self to use the Runkeeper app on my iPhone and check it every so often to see how far I've gone for inspiration. I'm all about charting and graphing my results so I like to figure out how far I've run. Sometimes I surprise myself by running much farther than I had estimated. 

"Let me go! If I can make it .25 miles in 3 minutes, I'll beat my PR!"

I've been running around town for months now and I noticed that too many people don't follow the rules, and I'd be remiss to not correct all of you. I don't want your potential injuries on my conscience. 


Runners - stay to the left of the road (facing traffic). This is so you can see crazy drivers coming at you, as opposed to sneaking up out of nowhere from behind if you were to run on the right side of the road. No one wants to get hit by a car. 

"To the left, to the left!"

Bikers - stay to the right of the road (riding with traffic). Isn't this like Driver's Ed 101? 

"This bike rides with traffic." 

Pedestrians - Not necessary to take up the entirety of a road/walkway with your group. Feel free to leave about 6 inches or so for other people to squeeze by and pass you. This is especially pertinent when you hear someone's footsteps approaching from behind in what sounds like a run. So sorry to interrupt your leisurely stroll, but I'm trying to get this run finished, and if I stop at a point that has not been preplanned, it is very possible that I won't be able to start back up because my legs already feel like they weigh 80 pounds apiece, I'm relying on sheer momentum to keep them moving forward, and I don't need some ignorant group of looky-loos busting up my groove. You should be able to surmise this because I do not run by gliding through the air like a graceful gazelle, but rather like a wheezing, huffing, puffing tugboat that's quickly running out of fuel. Sometimes it takes all of the effort I have to choke out a bitchy "TO YOUR LEFT!" So please, be kind and get the eff out of the way.

"Let's go single file so out-of-shape kinda sorta runners can easily pass us."

Drivers- we've got several issues that we need to discuss. First and foremost, your turn signals are not fun blinky Christmas light decorations for your car. You use them to indicate that you are turning so pedestrians and other cars who cannot read your mind know where you're going. 

"I can read your mind, but you can't read mine. Better use the turn signal."

Additionally, those white stripes in the road are called "pedestrian walkways" and are the equivalent of a red light in terms of requiring a full stop if there is a pedestrian trying to cross. This may delay you from reaching your super important place that you need to be by about 3 seconds, but I assure you, I'm crossing as fast as I can, and oh yeah, I have the right of way, jerk. I like my life, please don't run me over. 

"Stopping for pedestrians is the law!"

Finally, did you know that concrete sidewalks are something like 20% harder on your joints than asphalt roads? Plus there are generally fewer cracks and holes to trip over in the road than on the sidewalk. Therefore, knee injuries and busting your ass from tripping are two problems that can theoretically be avoided by running on the road instead of the sidewalk. Now that you understand why I'm running on the road, would you mind moving over just 4 inches, just enough so you don't get so flipping close that you practically swipe me with your mirror? In return, I promise to hug the curb as close as is humanly possible and/or jump on the sidewalk if I see that you have nowhere to go due to oncoming traffic. 

"Eyes on the road, Eddie. Watch for pedestrians."

Let's just share the road. It belongs to neither you nor me, but everyone. Thanks sweeties. 

Lulu Love

A few months ago, my friend Kara told me about a little store called Lululemon (or "Lulu" if you want to be cute about it), a store than makes gear for yoga, running, and other activities. I had heard of the place, but when I saw the prices on the website I decided to stick to the more budget-friendly Champion by Tar-zhay line. Kara kept talking about how great the Lulu clothes were, so I later decided to visit a store and try some stuff on. Instantly hooked.

"Check out the 'We Made Too Much' section for the sale items, bitches. -A."

The prices may seem outrageous, but believe me, this is a case of "you get what you pay for." Totally worth it, and I believe that the company guarantees the clothes for something like five years, so it's a decent investment. 

"Please tell me they will cover any acts of damage to my sweet knit beret."

So far I have this top, this tank, and a few headbands. This place is worse than potato chips. You can't get just one. Luckily these are multi-purpose tops - I can wear them running, to yoga, and perhaps out and about. 

"Like my new Vinyasa scarf?"

Tonight I FINALLY got out of my running slump. I am on week 7 of C25K (running 25 minutes) and for the past week I kept getting stuck at 2.74 miles. No matter what I did, that GPS and my butt would not go past 2.74. Tonight I made it 2.82. I know it doesn't sound like much but I nearly cried tears of pure pride when I saw that I snapped my streak. 

"Hurts....so....good!"

The only thing I did differently was stop for two 1-minute breaks to stretch my legs. I recently read that you are not supposed to stretch before your run, as your muscles are tight and stretching risks injury. You're supposed to do a bit of a warmup, then stop to stretch, then run, and do most of the stretching after your workout. So that's what I did. I guess it worked. 

"When your legs are this long, you have to stretch twice as much."

I also took the stretch breaks right before I came to some steep hills. It was nice to catch my breath and prepare myself for the uphill climb. 

"Ain't about how fast you get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb, bitches. -A"

My goal for the month of August was to run over 31 miles. I am definitely going to hit that goal, so I ordered a new CRB to reward myself (to be opened once said goal is officially hit). My next goal is to run a full 5K without stopping and without including the warmup/cool-down distances (as I have been doing). Reward for that is this long-sleeved tee. 

"Does this come in a wicking material?"

I won't be rewarding myself with such lavish (for my budget) gifts all of the time. I'm just trying to invest in quality clothes that I know I will use practically year-round and that will motivate me to get my butt off of the couch and achieve the goals that I've set for myself. I've lived with myself for quite some time now...I know how I operate. I come up with excuses far too easily. Until running becomes second nature and I can make myself feel guilty for skipping a run, a little Lulu present to me from me isn't going to hurt a thing. 

"Poor thing is all tuckered out from her super-long run!"

TV

Love watching TV. You might say it's a waste of time but I certainly don't think so. 


Someone recommended The Bachelor Pad to me and I am thoroughly enjoying it, despite never having watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. You can tell pretty easily who the drama queens and crazies are, and then just go from there. 

"Join us in this festering pool of germs, won't you?"

There's this guy who has a very terrible Kermit-the-Frog-type voice. It's bad. Just listening to him makes you want to clear your own throat to try to get rid of the bubble that seems to be permanently stuck in his. Tonight he gave a "promise ring" to his girlfriend and then sang her a homemade song that I'm sure he thought was heartfelt, but in actuality made me literally turn away from the screen in embarrassment and shame on his behalf. Something tells me he's going to regret his performance later.

"It takes a real man to wear a shirt like this."

Apparently the big draw this season is the fact that Jake and Vienna, who were previously engaged and had a horrible breakup, are forced to live in the same house. It's pretty clear that the producers want you to pick Team Jake or Team Vienna and they're going to stack the deck to prevent either one from leaving this godforsaken house for the draaaamaaaaaa. From what I can expertly tell after one episode, Jake is a passive-aggressive, phony doucher and Vienna is an insecure, vindictive woman-child. Surprisingly, Jake is a little less annoying, so I'm rooting for him. Go Jake, go!

"We didn't think it would come to this."

Also on my DVR is Real Housewives of New Jersey. I haven't been able to get into any of the other casts. Don't know why. I guess once you're hanging with the Jersey pros, there's nowhere to go but down. I used to heart Teresa, but she doesn't seem to be coming off as a very nice or honest person this season. I'm kind of loving the Jacqueline/Ashley storyline right now. Makes my relationship with my mother look not so dysfunctional. 

"Either stop wearing that ridiculous hat everywhere, or I'm putting you up for adult adoption."

Eagle-eyed watchers like myself noticed that during the interview scenes, Jacqueline was sobbing and using what appeared to be a roll of toilet paper to wipe her tears of disappointment. Seriously, it wasn't a tissue. It was toilet paper. Like, the producers/cameramen/passers-by couldn't fish out anything besides a piece of toilet paper for this woman? I was trying to listen to what she was saying but all I could think about was the fact that there had to be about 50 people in the immediate area, standing around watching this woman sob, and the best they could do was toilet paper. 

"Get my friend some Kleenex!!!"

Today I was g-chatting with a friend and he wrote "I deleted the file on accident." It took everything I had to not correct him. Sometimes you have to be strong and remind yourself that this is your friend, not your son, and you can't correct his grammar without sounding like an old schoolteacher. FYI people, the expression is "by accident," not "on accident." 

Finally, this is a must-see. Ryan "Hotness" Gosling breaks up a random fight in the middle of an NYC street. 

Like, just casually walks into it, wearing his hipster-sailor tank top and short pants, drops his bag, and gets shit in order in a matter of seconds. Probably didn't have to break a sweat doing it. He's the coolest.

No run tonight, went to yoga instead. It was the first time using my awesome YogiToes towel. I don't know how I practiced without it. 

Thank You for Being a Friend

I went to college in NY and ended up moving back home (out of state) after my senior year. Most of my friends are from NY and stayed in that area after graduation. It's about a four hour drive from me to them, so I don't get to see my college buddies as often as I'd like. As the years have gone by and we have taken on more responsibilities, with really important jobs, husbands, and/or babies (note that none of those three necessarily apply to me), it's become harder and harder to schedule visits.

"Love my bitches."

This weekend two of my girlfriends made the long journey to visit me. It was so fun catching up and hanging out, and as always, reminiscing about our crazy college days. 

"Anyone else remember the time we mooned the Sig Ep boys?"

Like so many other sorority girls, back in the day, we would go out partying all night, close the bar, and then pass out and sleep til noon. (Thanks Mom and Dad, the tuition was well worth it. I'm not being sarcastic.) Fast forward ten years to last night, when we all stuffed ourselves with Italian food alongside the senior citizen crowd at 5 pm, saw "The Help" (very good movie, with a cameo by a grown-up Chrissy Seaver...yes I know she's not a major draw nowadays nor is her character very important to the plot, but I burst out laughing when Gina grabbed my arm and says "My god, it's Chrissy from Growing Pains!"), and then came home and passed out by 11:30 having not had a drop of alcohol. Being 30 makes being 21 seem like a lifetime ago. Youth is truly wasted on the young. 

By the way people, can we make a rule that when you sit behind me in the movies, you won't kick my chair, chomp on your popcorn with your mouth open, say "Hmm!" after anything unexpected/interesting/thought-provoking happens, or loudly whisper "predictions" to your friend as to what will happen next? Because the dude behind me did all of these things and I almost had to lay the smack down. 

"You don't understand - he was giving away major plot points, and I hadn't read the book first!"

This guy would wait until something very cause-and-result would happen, stage whisper to his gf what would happen next, and then say "See? Told you." Like say someone got shot, he would whisper "Watch this - she's going to die! See? Told you." Sir, I realize that you are very smart and can figure such plot points out before the rest of the morons in the audience, but howasabout doing everyone a kindness and letting us enjoy the $12 movie in silence? This is why I don't go to the movies anymore. I'd rather wait for the DVD and then enjoy it with the only person who knows how to properly behave in public (that would be me). 


Since I ate Sophia Petrillo's weight in pasta, I figured I'd better burn some of it off with a run. I did week 7, day 2 of C25K, which is 5 min warmup, 5 min cool down, and 25 minutes of running in between. I hit 2.74 miles, which is the exact distance I've been getting for the past 3 days of the program. My goal for next time is to hit 2.75. You gotta aim high, my friends. 

"With this sweet gear, we will totally PR next time. I can feel it." 

I bet Blanche totally got her pants at Lululemon. 

I'm thinking that once I can run the equivalent of a 5K without counting the warmup/cool down OR stopping for a walk break, I can call myself a "runner" without the "kinda/sorta" qualifier. That just seems right for some reason. 

Back to work tomorrow. WHYYYYYYYYY?????

Lineup

It's completely annoying when you're waiting in line somewhere, a cashier opens a register in the next lane over, and the person behind you jumps to the new lane. If you are the next person in line at Lane 1, shouldn't you be the first person to move over to Lane 2? It's common decency, right? I cannot stand people who are standing in line BEHIND you and then jump into Lane 2.

Stephanie Judith Tanner knows what I'm talking about. 

The other week, I was at a concert waiting in line for a drink. A woman was at the front of the line buying food, a group of teenagers was behind her, and my cousin and I were behind the teenagers. A cashier opened a new register and yelled for our line to form two lines. The jerk behind me jumped to the front, behind the woman who was paying, thereby making the teenagers and my cousin and me lose our place in line.

"Oh no he didn't!"

When something like this happens, I get super pissed, but I just silently stew to myself. I never say anything because (a) I am scared of getting stabbed or punched and (b) I like to passive-aggressively complain instead of confront. But the awesome woman who was paying at the front of the line saw the whole thing, turned around, and asked the guy why he jumped the line. "I think there were a few people ahead of you," she said. I couldn't hear what the guy said in response, but she got in his face and said "Oh you knew exactly what you were doing!" Then she turned back to the register and continued the transaction.  

Queen of Mean

This woman was freaking awesome and the very definition of a good samaritan in my book. She didn't have a dog in this fight - she was already the first person in line. She was just sticking up for the rest of us to this fool who did not comprehend how to function in society. I knew I could not let this woman get away without thanking her for saying everything that I wished I had the guts to say to nasty strangers. As she walked past, I tapped her on the shoulder and thanked her for saying something. She said "Oh, no problem. WHAT A DICK!" and rolled her eyes at him. She left before I could ask if she wanted to be friends. This has given me inspiration to become a member of the Polite Police and patrol the aisles. Watch out for me, line-jumping jerks, I'm coming for you. 

In other news, no running tonight because I value my life and do not care to get struck by lightning in the monsoons that have been passing through the area. However, I got this towel in the mail today. Now when I go to hot yoga, I can actually do the poses properly instead of sliding all over my mat. 

"Let's keep the sliding on the ice and off the mat, shall we?"

Enjoy your weekend!

Kinda Sorta Runner

Running has always been something that appealed to me, but it always sounded too hard to do it all the way. In high school and college, I would run-walk on the treadmill for a mile or so and feel like I was going to die, so I'd spend time on the elliptical or dancing on bars instead. Nevertheless, I always wanted to be able to run just one flippin' mile without stopping. In 2008, I met a coworker named Janet, who was a serious, marathon-running machine. She told me about her training plans and the things she would do to prepare for races and I'd just be in awe. It sounded so amazingly intense. I wanted to be part of this machine, especially the carbo-loading part. 

"Gotta carbo-load."

Janet and I signed up for a 5K, and I sort of trained for it, meaning I didn't follow any sort of formal plan and figured I'd be able to rely on the adrenaline of race day to get me through the 3.1 miles. I remember feeling horrible for slowing Janet down because we had to keep stopping for walk breaks, as I was gasping for air like I was being choked by a cruel, invisible hand. When we crossed the finish line, I knew I wanted to try it again and improve my time eventually. I started running again in 2009, but learned the hard way that when your knee starts hurting, you need to STOP RUNNING. Yeah, I mistook runner's knee for a cramp and thought I could power through. I didn't want to rest for a few weeks and throw off my training schedule, and one night I got to the point where I couldn't walk. Seriously, I was crawling around my apartment floor because I couldn't put any weight on the knee. I wound up in physical therapy for eight weeks. 

"Why me?"

PT ended in the summer, and it became too easy to find excuses not to run. It was too hot, I was too tired, I didn't have the right wicking clothes, I didn't want to screw with my knee, and so on. Because my ass became so familiar with my couch, I mysteriously gained about 15 pounds by the end of the year. I knew I had to change my habits, and around the time I became vegan in January 2010, I decided that I wanted to start running to lose weight. 

"Let's try this again."

I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my iPhone and loved it. I used it to train for eight weeks and signed up for a 5K with my friend Kara. I was pretty slow and tired and was flipping off the people who invented recreational running as I struggled to run up the steep hilly part of the course, but I finished without taking a walk break and didn't come in last place - it was AWESOME! I signed up for another 5K with my friend Wendy and continued to run, when sure enough, I started getting pain in my OTHER knee. Because I am stupid and never learn my lesson, I continued to run on it just so I could finish my 5K. I iced my injury and tied a super-cool ace bandage around my knee and completed the race...then decided to temporarily retire from running, like Amanda Bynes temporarily retired from acting. 

"At least I didn't ruin both of my knees. Moron."

As you may have guessed, eating whatever you want + not exercising = bad news bears. My metabolism is not what it used to be, and despite eating a vegan diet full of vegetables and whole grains, I was gaining weight and becoming unhealthy. Plus, Gretchen and Karen wouldn't let me sit at their table, because sweatpants were the only thing that fit me.

"What do you mean, watching The Biggest Loser doesn't make you lose weight by osmosis?"

So, my New Year's resolution for 2011 was to start running again. I made it all the way to April with the C25K program, feeling awesome for running 3 miles straight without stopping, when one night I woke up with a searing pain in my side and back. I am not a religious person, but this was the kind of pain that makes you beg the lord above for sweet, sweet mercy. Seriously, I was making major promises to whatever higher power above if s/he would just make it stop. Turned out I had a kidney stone. It took about 3 weeks of rest before I passed that bitch, and by then I was so out of whack, I had to start almost from scratch all over again.

"Now that that's over, you know you have to get off of your butt and start running again, right?"

Which brings us to now. I am doing it right this time, taking the time to stretch before I run, warm-up, cool-down, and so on. I'm taking yoga classes to assist with keeping the ol' muscles limber. If I sense any pain, I'm stopping and walking instead of risking another injury that will put me out of commission. Right now I am thisclose to running a complete 5K without stopping, and I am going to keep going until I can't go anymore. My next goal is a 10K, then a 10-mile run, then a half-marathon. People say that the cool thing about running is that there's always something to train for. Whether it's distance or speed, you can always stand to improve something. Let's do this. 

"5K, 10K, half-marathon, and BEYOND!"