Kinda Sorta Runner

Running has always been something that appealed to me, but it always sounded too hard to do it all the way. In high school and college, I would run-walk on the treadmill for a mile or so and feel like I was going to die, so I'd spend time on the elliptical or dancing on bars instead. Nevertheless, I always wanted to be able to run just one flippin' mile without stopping. In 2008, I met a coworker named Janet, who was a serious, marathon-running machine. She told me about her training plans and the things she would do to prepare for races and I'd just be in awe. It sounded so amazingly intense. I wanted to be part of this machine, especially the carbo-loading part. 

"Gotta carbo-load."

Janet and I signed up for a 5K, and I sort of trained for it, meaning I didn't follow any sort of formal plan and figured I'd be able to rely on the adrenaline of race day to get me through the 3.1 miles. I remember feeling horrible for slowing Janet down because we had to keep stopping for walk breaks, as I was gasping for air like I was being choked by a cruel, invisible hand. When we crossed the finish line, I knew I wanted to try it again and improve my time eventually. I started running again in 2009, but learned the hard way that when your knee starts hurting, you need to STOP RUNNING. Yeah, I mistook runner's knee for a cramp and thought I could power through. I didn't want to rest for a few weeks and throw off my training schedule, and one night I got to the point where I couldn't walk. Seriously, I was crawling around my apartment floor because I couldn't put any weight on the knee. I wound up in physical therapy for eight weeks. 

"Why me?"

PT ended in the summer, and it became too easy to find excuses not to run. It was too hot, I was too tired, I didn't have the right wicking clothes, I didn't want to screw with my knee, and so on. Because my ass became so familiar with my couch, I mysteriously gained about 15 pounds by the end of the year. I knew I had to change my habits, and around the time I became vegan in January 2010, I decided that I wanted to start running to lose weight. 

"Let's try this again."

I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my iPhone and loved it. I used it to train for eight weeks and signed up for a 5K with my friend Kara. I was pretty slow and tired and was flipping off the people who invented recreational running as I struggled to run up the steep hilly part of the course, but I finished without taking a walk break and didn't come in last place - it was AWESOME! I signed up for another 5K with my friend Wendy and continued to run, when sure enough, I started getting pain in my OTHER knee. Because I am stupid and never learn my lesson, I continued to run on it just so I could finish my 5K. I iced my injury and tied a super-cool ace bandage around my knee and completed the race...then decided to temporarily retire from running, like Amanda Bynes temporarily retired from acting. 

"At least I didn't ruin both of my knees. Moron."

As you may have guessed, eating whatever you want + not exercising = bad news bears. My metabolism is not what it used to be, and despite eating a vegan diet full of vegetables and whole grains, I was gaining weight and becoming unhealthy. Plus, Gretchen and Karen wouldn't let me sit at their table, because sweatpants were the only thing that fit me.

"What do you mean, watching The Biggest Loser doesn't make you lose weight by osmosis?"

So, my New Year's resolution for 2011 was to start running again. I made it all the way to April with the C25K program, feeling awesome for running 3 miles straight without stopping, when one night I woke up with a searing pain in my side and back. I am not a religious person, but this was the kind of pain that makes you beg the lord above for sweet, sweet mercy. Seriously, I was making major promises to whatever higher power above if s/he would just make it stop. Turned out I had a kidney stone. It took about 3 weeks of rest before I passed that bitch, and by then I was so out of whack, I had to start almost from scratch all over again.

"Now that that's over, you know you have to get off of your butt and start running again, right?"

Which brings us to now. I am doing it right this time, taking the time to stretch before I run, warm-up, cool-down, and so on. I'm taking yoga classes to assist with keeping the ol' muscles limber. If I sense any pain, I'm stopping and walking instead of risking another injury that will put me out of commission. Right now I am thisclose to running a complete 5K without stopping, and I am going to keep going until I can't go anymore. My next goal is a 10K, then a 10-mile run, then a half-marathon. People say that the cool thing about running is that there's always something to train for. Whether it's distance or speed, you can always stand to improve something. Let's do this. 

"5K, 10K, half-marathon, and BEYOND!"