Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment with my doctor. I am hoping he tells me that I have magic bones that heal four times faster than the average human's bones. Seriously I am just hoping he doesn't recommend that I stay on the crutches for 8 weeks instead of 6. Today is Day 8 out of 42 days of crutches. If I have to do many more days than this, I may have a nervous breakdown. I have been letting myself go thirsty rather than expend the energy to get a drink of water as well as eventually have to go to the bathroom as a result of the drink. Seriously, that's how bad I feel. I can hear myself getting fatter as I sit in my chair all day, moving as little as possible.
I have managed to sort of ease the pain in my armpits, upper arms, and shoulders, but for every silver lining there is a cloud...now my hands and wrists hurt. I also pulled something in my upper good leg while trying to scoot up the stairs. Can't win.
I tried to force myself to be in a better mood today and think positively and it sort of worked I guess. Today was the first day I didn't cry out of frustration and depression. I've been trying to make jokes about my situation and laugh about it to pass the time. People at work are being really helpful, offering to do parts of my job that require moving around, refilling my water bottle, offering to help a lot. It's still so freaking hard to do things like open doors and get from my office to the bathroom. I better have some seriously ripped arms by the time this is over.
Now that I've had time to think about my situation and have gotten over the shock of the fracture and crutches, I made a list of questions for my doctor: How do we know if the bone is healing properly? What is physical therapy like? How soon can I start exercising and what exercises does he recommend? Does my (mostly) vegan diet have anything to do with this or do I have naturally bad bones? What exactly caused this fracture? IS THERE ANY ALTERNATIVE TO CRUTCHES???
The question I immediately asked the doctor when I got the stress fracture news was "Does this mean I was not meant to be a runner?" He said no - they could teach me how to run with proper form, fix my shoes, etc. to get me back on track. Initially I was pumped to get back to running ASAP, but after dealing with these godforsaken crutches that are ruining my life, I am not so sure I want to take the risk. I hate to even say this because it just doesn't make sense that there are tons of runners who train properly and escape injury. It's not running's fault that I am hurt, it is something that I did but I can't figure out what exactly happened. I still want the chance to run a half marathon one day and feel that sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing something for which you spent months training and preparing. But I tell you, unless someone can 100% assure me that I would never ever have to be on crutches ever again, I'm not sure I am meant for running. I just cannot bear the thought of going through this again.
I'm trying to think of other goals I can accomplish and low-impact exercises I can practice. Maybe take more yoga and add pilates and maybe become an instructor? Take swimming classes? Take one of these Zumba classes I've been hearing so much about? I guess there are lots of options but still....giving up running makes me feel defeated and sad. I guess I'll see what the doctor says tomorrow. I'm just hoping there is not a stress fracture in my other leg. I'm worried there might be from hopping and jumping and relying on it.
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